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Answering machine message 146
(To the tune of Sidewalk Surfing by the Beach Boys:) Catch a quake and go seism

Answering machine message 148
Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sed

Answering machine message 150
(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm

Answering machine message 152
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. L

Answering machine message 154
Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start

Answering machine message 155
Hello! I'm on a four state killing spree! WATTA YA WANT?

Answering machine message 157
(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and

Answering machine message 159
This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number

Answering machine message 161
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everythi

Answering machine message 163
After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I&#

Answering machine message 165
Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answeri

Answering machine message 156
Hi, I'm not home because I've gone on a BLOODY RAMPAGE! When I get ho

Answering machine message 158
Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an elect

Answering machine message 160
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are n

Answering machine message 162
Shhh! Don't talk, just listen! Meet me at the corner of Broad and Main an

Answering machine message 164
My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterC

Answering machine message 166
(Recorded directly from AT&T:) We're sorry, but the number you dialed

Answering machine message 168
The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number is 226-

Answering machine message 170
Please leave a tone after the message.

Answering machine message 172
Hi, you have reached Richard. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out o

Answering machine message 174
(To annoy a friend record this as his message, and he will have keypad music as

Answering machine message 176
The party you dialed is not available. Your call is being diverted to an altern

Answering machine message 178
(Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh! (Pause.) Hello...

Answering machine message 180
(Loud music, John shouting:) HI, THIS IS JOHN, LET ME TURN DOWN THE MUSIC. (Lo

Answering machine message 182
Hello you have reached the Smith residence. All of our operators are busy. You

Answering machine message 184
All our answering machines are busy. Please hold. (Pause.) All our answering m

Answering machine message 186
Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me,

Answering machine message 188
I just got a car phone. I'm not here at the moment. Leave me a message an

Answering machine message 190
Hi, can I speak to Mark?... Oh, there isn't?... I'm sorry, I must ha

Answering machine message 192
Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Han

Answering machine message 194
This is Anthony. Leave me a message at the beep. (beep) Whoops, I bet you coul

Answering machine message 196
We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your pho

Answering machine message 198
Hello... Yes, I'd like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas please, with e

Answering machine message 200
(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racke

Answering machine message 202
Mom, Dad... Don't you think it would be easier to reach me if I had a cell

Answering machine message 204
Please leave your name and number -- But first, a short algebra quiz: How much

Answering machine message 206
Someone stole our phone. So if you leave a message we'll run over to a nei

Answering machine message 208
(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in backgro

Answering machine message 210
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleep

Answering machine message 212
Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, have

Answering machine message 214
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name a

Answering machine message 216
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was ther

Answering machine message 218
Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling

Answering machine message 220
You might be calling to give me important information. If so, leave your inform

Answering machine message 222
So! You've finally called. And I suppose you think I'll just be here

Answering machine message 224
(Annoying radio announcer's voice:) Congratulations! You have reached 555

Answering machine message 226
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a

Answering machine message 228
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal

Answering machine message 230
Random fact number 10: The first manned mission to Jupiter will be crewed by th

Answering machine message 232
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic mem

Answering machine message 234
Thank you for calling, no doubt,
As you can guess, we're out.

Answering machine message 236
Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was

Answering machine message 238
Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn'

Answering machine message 240
I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you h

Answering machine message 167
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your

Answering machine message 169
Thank you for calling the Peoria Weather Line. (Insert appropriate weather repo

Answering machine message 171
Please hang up now if you would want to speak to Johan. Otherwise, please stay o

Answering machine message 173
(Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right no

Answering machine message 175
Hello, you have reached 555-1234. Our voice mail system is currently experienci

Answering machine message 177
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look a

Answering machine message 179
Hello? (Pause. Roommate's voice:) C'mon, Matt, we're gonna be

Answering machine message 181
(From a distance:) Hello I'm far very away from the phone at the moment an

Answering machine message 183
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1.

Answering machine message 185
(Pick up the phone and say:) This is Chris. I'm not here right now. Leav

Answering machine message 187
Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone... And the recordi

Answering machine message 189
This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.

Answering machine message 191
Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Le

Answering machine message 193
You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine. They're not h

Answering machine message 195
Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid answe

Answering machine message 197
This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed wi

Answering machine message 199
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on o

Answering machine message 201
Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a

Answering machine message 203
Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID reach 555-1234

Answering machine message 205
Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it'

Answering machine message 207
Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe

Answering machine message 209
Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become eligible to lea

Answering machine message 211
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin

Answering machine message 213
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number

Answering machine message 215
I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an a

Answering machine message 217
(Strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of

Answering machine message 219
I am gathering the world's largest collection of responses to an answering

Answering machine message 221
Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their arri

Answering machine message 223
(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars could be yours, IF you le

Answering machine message 225
(Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence. I,

Answering machine message 227
(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya goin', listen, I'm not here, but I

Answering machine message 229
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons righ

Answering machine message 231
In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing bo

Answering machine message 233
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respo

Answering machine message 235
Sorry that we're not at home.
Please leave a message after the tone.

Answering machine message 237
(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I

Answering machine message 239
Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I&

Answering machine message 241
Bridge, Kirk here.

Answering machine message 243
(Star Trek theme in the background:)

(Voice 1:) Room 17, the fin

Answering machine message 245
(Bad imitations:)

Picard: Assume standard orbit, Mr. LaForge. S

Answering machine message 247
Borg communications router. Unit addressed unavailable. Hails are irrelevant.

Answering machine message 249
Hello, you've reached 344-1312, the Apartment at the End of the Universe.

Answering machine message 251
Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone rig

Answering machine message 253
You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy unde

Answering machine message 255
Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now becau

Answering machine message 242
Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a tr

Answering machine message 244
Thank you for calling Starfleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at th

Answering machine message 246
(Borg voice:) WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR PHONE CALL, AS IT HAS B

Answering machine message 248
(Chekov's voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things... Say t

Answering machine message 250
(Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!

Answering machine message 252
A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in t

Answering machine message 254
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone righ

Answering machine message 256
(For Shakespeare lovers only:)
So long as phones can ring and eyes can se

Answering machine message 258
You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the b

Answering machine message 260
Now I lay me down to sleep;
Leave a message at the beep.
If I die

Answering machine message 257
I am not home to talk to you,
But please don't be a creep.
Ju

Answering machine message 259
These words are lovely dark and deep
But I've got promises to keep

What are the pictures?
A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcem

Satan vists the church
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early

Do you go to church?
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was s

Hide him during a war
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess,

Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Su

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