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HeyYoufor a...
Why do they put guys in road construction?
So girls get the cha

Men's Brains
Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: They don'

Toiletand Men
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I

Threeof...
There are three kinds of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the s

Woman Dentist
''I would like to see a woman dentist,'' said the first man.

IThat Witch
"Guess what I got for my mother for Christmas? An electric broom!" sai

Yo'So Stank
Yo' mama so stank, even the couch gets up when she sits down!

HardHoneymoon
A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon in Hawaii. They get a master suite in

It'sDifficultMarry Princesses
Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful daughter. The king agree

Switch!
Susan was standing on a street corner when Bob stopped and said, ''Hey

Women'sThings
Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use belts to perch their pants p

OneTorture:Golfing Tale
One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. The

Toilet Training
How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
I don&

Pickle Slicer
One day a man came home from work and told his wife, "Hon, I had the urge t

BrideBroom
Two brooms were going to get married, before the ceromony, the bride broom said

WomenCars
Why doesn't a woman need a car?
Because you don't need a car

WeBlindness
How do you make a woman blind?
Put a windshield in front of her!

MenLava Lamps
Men are like lava lamps.
Fun to look at but not that bright.

Impressing Women
A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. To start conve

WomanHas Everything
What do you give the woman who has everything?
My phone number.

MyatZoo
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, If yo

Frosty Divorce
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought h

AndGodBrunettes
Q: Why did God make brunettes?
A: So the ugly men have a chance

MenDown
Q: Why do men sit with their legs wide open?
A: So their brains

Happy Man
How can you tell if a man is happy ?
Who cares!

What'sPoison?
Once there lived a mother who had two sons who were very young. The mother only

Dirty Limerick
A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling. His wife asks him what is so

Vampire Date
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.

WhyMen Float?
Why do men float better than women?
Because they're scum.

Australian Period
Q: How do you know when an Australian woman has her period?
A: Sh

AHeart
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Through hi

WhyAreThan Men
When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully avoid it,

HisHer Version
Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't matter now, I a

It'sFamily Thing
"When you getting married to your girlfriend?"
"I wo

LoveBlind
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
Neither has he.

WhatWant
More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified cigars. P

GodHavePurpose
Why did God invent the shopping cart?
To teach the women to wal

Oenophilia
Men are like a fine grape. They are best kept in the dark. They can't han

Marriage Blues
Once a man saw a board outside his friend's office and it said ''

MenBatteries
Q: What's the difference between men and batteries?
A: Batteries ha

GettingonSide?
Joe was asked at work if he was getting any on the side.
He rep

Ladysthe Shoppin'
Why did God invent shopping carts?
To teach women how to walk o

50Toa??IYoua??
1. a??If my heart were a baked potato, Ia??d serve it to you with extra butter a

OtherMamaMe...
Not to cuss.

Not to cohabitate.

Not to us

Thehadopeningan assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, inte

Fish Market
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so

Pleasethe mayo
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talk

ThreestandingfrontGod
God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to you

Fooled You
Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement.

IfOnlya Brain
What do you call a man without a brain?
Single or widowed!!

VetoedPromotions
Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect opportunity for marketing

Software Upgrade
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to

ThreeYou're Out
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of ho

SeminarsMen
Once again the female staff will be offering courses to men of all marital statu

Fix This
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Ho

APlan
A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident. Both cars are totaled, but

QuicktoDentist
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I

MenLike Wine
Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stom

WhatWoman/ManMeans
What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want

The Rules
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CatHusband
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blo

Theofand Women
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is li

TopSignsKidA-Letterm
10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke
9. You s

Funny Business
A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of his workers to come up with a n

Awalkedawithsmall ...
A sailor walked into a bar with a small head.
The bartender asked

Earth Shaking
A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached by a beautiful woman. <

Awomangrowing tomatoes...
A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to

Therethiscoupletheybeen ...
There is this old couple and they have been married for a long time. They hadn&#

Awearingstraplessand ...
A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a necklace with an airplane as the

Onealeftearlygo...
One day, a blonde left work early to go home and suprise her husband with a big

Thereawhobaked beans...
There was a man who loved baked beans, but they always had an embarrassing and l

AOrder
An Amish woman and her son are walking through a mall for the first time, totall

Threehadstuckan island...
Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years.
Just as they w

ItadayIowa.hung the...
It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a roast in the ove

Wedding Hells
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main S

ChairofBoard
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his

Soy Toy
While going through his wifea??s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soyb

Awasondate.date...
A blonde was out on a date.
Her date said you have something on yo

Whytheputon...
Why did the blonde put makeup on her forehead?
To make up her mind.

Jungle Fever
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and duri

NewNumber
Q: What's a 68?
A: You do me and I owe you!

Amantodoctor
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have

Black Sheep
A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white baby. Enraged, he brings the

DoubleSeven
James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next to an attractive woman. He give

TheofElementarywent ...
The Principal of an elementary school went into a kindergarten classroom with al

LittleisOne
While the teacher was conducting her class, Little Johnny yells out, "Teac

MoveLittle Johnny
Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school so the nun asked him, "Who

Jane's Addiction
Q: What's the diffrence between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A:

Heavy Sack
Q: Why is Santa's sack so big?
A: He only comes once a year.

Gloriesold age
Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A:

That's crazy
Did you here about the 80 lbs. man with the 40 lbs. testicles?
The

GloriesoldII
Q: What did the saggy breast say to the other saggy breast?
A: &quo

Doggy Style
Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
A: Because he can't make a fi

Don't Choke
Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. The

Thisis Bananas!
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are you shaking

Whatyou do?
Q: What do you call to Alaskan lesbians?
A: Klon-dykes

Handdowns
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit li

Drink up
Q: What did the bartender say to his customers?
A: Men, Viagra now

That's Meaty
A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so

MustHerbal Essences
One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth floor which had a woman alre

The Answer
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed when the chicken takes out a cigarette and

Animal House
Q: How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 litt

Hard Drive
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: Wo

ABreak Up
Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for some time now and after hearing

SisterHenry
A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun. "Where you headed?" th

Theof Celebracy
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception

LicenseKill
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, inte

Dr. Love
A woman visiting her doctora??s office suddenly blurts out, a??Doctor, kiss me!a

Clear Nuts
A guy walks into a psychologists office wearing a pair of shorts made from Saran

NoneYou
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked

Change Up
The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row at a Yankees game, surrounded b

YouTakeWith You
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and

LittleQuestion
A teacher asks her class, a??If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you sho

Three Buttons
A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several at

Three Tickets
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsb

ReasonsCan'ta Man
Men can't pack a bag.
Men wouldn't be caught dead wearin

Inseparable
Me and my wife are almost inseparable, why just last week it took four state tro

Bigamy
What's the real punishment for bigamy?
More than one mother-i

Becomingwoman
One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in

FirePimpin'
What did the pimp use to put out the fire?
His hos!

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